Are you ready to shake that mom guilt? On today's blog, I give you (7) ways to offer yourself some grace as a mom.
Happy Thursday! It's officially Fri-yay eve and I don't know about you all, but whew chile it’s been a long week for your girl. I've been working from home for a month now and honestly, I still don’t feel like I have a handle on working from home and homeschooling. Plain and simple… This mess is hard! Shout out to all the mama’s that have already been hip to the game way before COVID-19 came on the scene. Nonetheless, I am sure that you all didn't come to the spot to read all my rants and rambles. Today, I want to discuss a topic that has been highly anticipated and that is overcoming mom guilt. Social media can’t take credit for this one as we are the ones responsible for taking on and carrying this “guilt” and placing it on our shoulders. Isn’t it heavy? Girl, we have to own it! Once we own that we're indeed placing way too much pressure on ourselves, then we are able to heal and move on from that point. We have to stop wallowing and relishing in our mishaps, uncertainties, and limitations as mothers. We Are Not Perfect and we have to begin to give ourselves some grace.
If God gives us grace, why can’t we do it for ourselves? Whether you’re a new mom, first time mom, mom of multiples, or whatever your situation, it’s important for us to be kind and patient with ourselves because, if truth be told, we expect it from other people right?! Believe me, I know the intention is there. When you feel like your day is unraveling or you’ve been hard on yourself for whatever reason, giving yourself grace is about giving yourself the chance to basque in your imperfections, self reflect, and really embrace it! There are always things that we can do better, but girl, we can’t and we won’t achieve it all overnight. Unfortunately, when a tired, exhausted, sick, hormonal, pregnant, anxious, lonely, depressed, or overwhelmed mom is given this advice, all she hears is "let it go", which some of us just can’t do it. Can we do everything right? No. Are we perfect? No. But we want to be. This is the opportune time to give ourselves grace, yet, most of the time we choose not to.
We look for what we can do to keep things in our control. We try to make balanced meals, we pride ourselves on a clean home, we plan activities and create schedules for our families; but when we are going through a tough time, the things that are typically within our control, seem to unravel. Even though this is when we need to be kind to ourselves, or “let things go”, we can’t… or we have to work really hard to. Motherhood is an adjustment no matter how long you’ve been in the role. No matter how many children you have, your experience will never be the same for each child. You may learn how to do things better, but girlfriend, I’m here to tell you that your hormones create minds of their own. So adjusting to the changes occurring within our bodies and still trying to maintain the posture of “I got it together” sometimes ends up turning into a bigger mess than the one you thought you were faced with initially. I had a heck of a time adjusting to my “new normal” and I talk about it a few times. Check out my post on bibsandbusinessmagazine.com and on the second blog post I ever wrote on here back in November titled: Motherhood 101: Unpacking Mom Burnout & Mom Funk. Though motherhood is magical in so many ways, there are the hard times of having babies, toddlers, and kids in general. Those moments we feel like we just can’t do it all. I’m here to tell you that you can’t AND there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being able to do it all. We weren’t created to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, the supermom ideology is a myth, and being you and doing what you can is perfectly fine. If you made it this far sis, keep reading because I am going to share with you (7) ways to offer yourself grace as you journey in the midst motherhood.
Feeling like you’re not good enough is a lie from the pit itself. It comes from comparing ourselves to others and a false perception of who society says that you should be. Who does God say that you are? Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
And sis, even if it looks like it’s true it’s a lie! Keep your eyes focused on your own destiny and your own journey.
Mama, you aren’t going to know everything. One thing my parents use to ALWAYS tell me was that parenting doesn’t come with a manual. You chew the meat and spit out the bones. Which simply means that you take the time to figure out what works best for you and your family and everything else is null in void.
God already knows what we need. He’s not waiting for us to come to Him because He doesn’t know, God’s just waiting for us to invite Him in. Don't be afraid to tell God that you just don’t know. Kneel before His presence, ask Him to walk you through this thing we call life and if you need prayers that are a little more specific, check out the 5-prayers for the overwhelmed mom to help you out.
Picture yourself overwhelmed and just over it. Now, picture your kids looking at you as you are having a full on adult tantrum or meltdown. Oh, you may go in your room or in the bathroom to get yourself together. But really, our kids know when something is off. No matter how good you thought you wiped those water filled eyes, or fixed the irritation living on your face, our children feel that energy. We want to give our children the best versions of ourselves. And hey, sometimes we mess up. Own it, apologize, and move on to make the next day better.
Listen, If I didn’t have one more point to share we could end this right here because girl, I remember getting off of work at 7pm, walking in the house, eating dinner, and cleaning the house from top to bottom because I felt like it “HAD” to get done. I’m sure it HAD to get done, but it didn’t HAVE to get done tonight. You know you're lethargic, head and back probably hurt, and then after you clean up you're mad because you’re the only one cleaning up. News flash, you did it to yourself! Sit down! Be still! Inhale… exhale… surely you can skip one night boo (Words to self lol).
I am infamous for not doing this, so for anyone who I can steer in the right direction let me bless you right quick. As much as you think your husband (if you’re married) “should” know… he doesn’t and really he shouldn't have to guess what you need from him. Stop trying to be in control, you're wearing yourself out and stretching yourself far too thin (also speaking to myself lol), but really mamas, ask for help and include those crumb snatchers too! My children are 11, 7 1/2, and 16 months old. You may be able to do it better, but, if they are of an appropriate age, how else will they learn? Let them do it! If it’s wrong, show them how and let them do it over. We have to learn to ask for help and stop placing that “well you should’ve known" notion in our heads.
I’ll be honest, it’ll take more than just reading a list like this to change your heart, mind, and attitude. Consider writing out this list or if you’d like me to make a pretty pdf for you as an outline, shoot me an email. Use it as a reminder that you don’t have to be perfect. Instead, you can offer yourself grace, just as Jesus offered it to you!