To My Last Baby, On Your First Birthday

When your baby turns one, it's a time for excitement, happiness, parties... and for many parents it is also a time to experience very mixed emotions.

December 30, 2019

My daughter Jolie aka Dr. Jolie turns one in approximately 4 days! I have two older sons, Jaiden (10) and Jordan (7) so I’ve been through the excitement and shock of my children turning one but, this one hits differently. Baby Jolie is the first girl and the last baby! I absolutely LOVE babies and although she is still a baby I have mixed emotions about her turning a year old. There’s a roller-coaster of emotions leading up to her first birthday. I’m sad, excited, relived, nostalgic… #allthefeels!


To My Littlest Love…

I remember being pregnant with you. I prayed for you. I told God, “We did it right this time” so I know you will give me the desires of my heart. This one HAS to be a girl. It’s crazy because even when the nurse confirmed that you were a girl on my 20-week appointment, I still prayed that it was true. I won’t lie, I was still uncertain that you were a girl. It wasn’t until I gave birth to you and the Doctor’s said “Here’s your beautiful baby girl” I cried like a baby…It was true, you were real and you were mine. On one hand, I’m so excited for you to be one. I feel proud that we’ve made it this far, from those first few days in the hospital, to the weeks (more like months) of  sleepless nights, to seeing you smile so bright. I’m so proud of the big girl that you’re becoming.

You’re already so independent. I have learned so much about myself in these 11.5 months and I have gotten to know you so well. We are two- peas in a pod. But, it's also part of knowing you so well that makes this hard, too. Even though you’re turning one, it kind of feels like we are still one. I know technically I'm not pregnant with you anymore, but in a way, it feels like you’ve never left me. You are still an extension of me, just differently now.  So honestly, in away, you turning one is bittersweet for me. I'm so happy you’re growing, happy,and healthy, and I want nothing more than to continue to watch you grow. I am so blessed for the time we have had together so far and I know that not every mama gets that chance. 

You have grown so much this year despite my best efforts to slow you down. I loved it when you were a little baby, but Iknew that you wouldn’t stay little forever because you have to grow. It’s so hard to keep you in my lap these days as you are more interested in exploring now that you have this walking thing down pack. Even though you find comfort with your brothers, daddy, and Mrs. Sabrena (daycare provider) you always save the best excitement and the greatest hugs just for me after a long day at work.I still wake up in the middle of night to check on you and make sure that you’re safe and that you are comfortable.  You wake up so pleasant and happy as you jump ridiculously high in your crib waiting patiently for someone to pick you up.  Although you’re turning one you’re still my baby. I’m still going to get my big kisses, warm hugs, and girl talk in the morning before I drop you off at daycare. Baby girl you have changed my life and are the perfect addition to our little family. We’re going to celebrate you on your birthday and even though you’re transitioning into a toddler you will forever be my baby.

Love always,